Grow up

What is the truth of life? I always consider this question and I can get different answers in different situation. I think whatever I think. They are part of content of life. Today I heard a song names more lonely after grow up, and I read some journals of my friends. I thought about the past and felt a little tired. I am accustomed to think the things hiding in my heart when I feel life is tough. It is ridiculous that sometimes my sensation is influenced by people around me because people always say just care of yourself. Still, the system of society express that people influence each other. Therefore, I should keep strong, and that is right to do myself.

I always said that life is not a result, but it’s a process. We should enjoy the process because it occupies a majority portion. Yet, it also is a struggling process. Maybe I always express the best one to others, but who knows most of the time I taste the suffering by myself. I once have doubted, irritated, and been delight with life. I try to calm down to display that I am mature after I get some progress or success. However, when I am in a new position, I still feel confused and desperate. The only difference is that I can control myself and solve it with my experience.

There are much happiness and much unhappiness after I came to the United States. I finally can be together with my husband, who is the most important in my life and makes me believe that love is the miracle in this world. On the other hand, I am suffering vanishing of confidence and am changing to be a sensitive woman. I consider a people who are diffident always sensitive. I always feel upset when others told me that what they did, what they gained and what they will do. I feel miserable that I don’t like to share happiness with my husband’s family, which I thought I can have a warm big family before. The only thing I can sense is the distance. All of these like the song sing that more lonely after grow up. The difference is I feel lonely because I am not strong now and I need time to catch up with others. It’s like a double-edged sword. It makes me unhappy and not lovely. On the other hand, it makes me never give up improve myself.

Actually, I don’t really care about others. I have been sick of being a strong and successful people in others’ mind. I only wish that I will feel delightful from my heart every day. When I feel sad, I know the only reason is that I waste time and lose my aim. I should cheer up and be strong. I believe I can achieve my aim in several years.