Change

I changed much and I am still changing now. I have been here more than half a year. I always mention time because time means much for me. First of all, it’s a tool measure whether I improved. My classmates have been here about one or two years, and someone even more than two years. I always think about a question how much and what speed did they improve and change. Some classmates can speak fluent English, but most of them still speak guangdongnese. I don’t want to like them. I should speak English fluently fast.

Second, I should plan my future. It’s about the problem of time. I should take master degree, and have babies. I also should have my career. I don’t want to be a housewife even if my husband can earn much money. See, life is complicated. I don’t know whether I cannot give up and insist to seek my career; sometimes I really felt tired and felt not good.

The United States is a very interesting country. People come from different countries. Therefore, we have the same theme in our life—missing our hometown. I don’t like environment in China, but I really miss my hometown. This feeling makes me feel I am old. I think people living in the United States are more sensitive than people in other countries. Everyone has different backgrounds, but everyone can comprehend we have two roots. We love here and our hometown both. It makes our life dramatic and beautiful.

In the other way, because we have the different backgrounds, we should learn to be strong and to be candid. In the past half an year, I was afraid how to ask questions, and I was afraid to tell others my opinion. I always accepted what others told me to do without thinking about it. I think maybe it because I should use different language. However, I should face my weakness, and I should advance myself. I am learning how to think about everything independently, and I should learn to protect my benefit.

Yes, I changed much. I am more aggressive and more confident than before. I am still changing. I am learning speaking English fluently and natively. I am learning how to think about a question and solve it reasonably. I am lucky that I can choose my life although sometimes I feel unhappy that I should always fright for something. However, I should face the reality. Compare to others, I am lucky. I can learn everything fast, and I am a reliable person in others impression. Life is not always idealistic as we dream, but we still have hopes. I am my own and I have everything.

Determination

I went to work today and met a girl; her name is Richard, a PhD in the University of Chicago. She said she didn’t care about money, but she has worked here for several years and this restaurant needs her now. As a result, she comes back and decides to work several days after the new people will be familiar with the work. She is nice, and she always help me and teach me how to service. After we talked about our experience, I felt so excited that I was eager to go to a university to get Master degree. I felt I, whom is aggressive and ambitious, come back.

I recalled that in the first day in the Harold Washington College this semester. In the Social Science class, when the classmates introduced themselves, all Chinese girls said they like shopping! I cannot control myself to angry with them. Come on, you are not in the junior school, and at least you are in a college, don’t always like shopping! I hate these silly girls and I felt shame that I was their classmates. All of these make me want to leave them and stay alone. Where am I and who am I? I should leave them and go ahead to catch up with my dream.

I read an article about a boy, whom is my classmate of Southeast University. He went abroad to continue study in Japan after graduating. He told his experience in Japan and analysis what he gained and lost. From his article I can learn that he was excited and his life was very wonderful even he complained that how little he slept, and how fast he changed to be old. I think he like it. I think we are the same style person.

Even now, one of my brothers still says that your life is tough. You should get married with a rich man in China, and that you can only stay at home to enjoy life. I don’t know why some person like my brother considers the life like this is a delightful life. In my mind, it’s a horrible life that without passion and safety. I have never considered that women should live by relying on men. In USA, my friends always tell me that however the highest degree you get, you still stay at home to take care of your family at last.

Oh, never mind! It’s not the excuse that I am going to give up take GMAT test and MBA. I should tell myself that don’t be lazy! If I give up now, I must be regret in several years. If at last I should take care of my family, I still don’t want to give up my career. That is a part of my life. Family and career, they like enjoy and hardworking, consist of my life.

Sometimes painful is the spring of the happiness.

Be Stronger

Today I worked in Sushi Sai. Because of it’s the holiday today, it was not busy. At last, I earned pretty little. However, I feel happy that I can speak with others and gain much information from the other waitress here.

One of the waitresses is Kathy. She comes from Guangzhou, and she got the bachelor degree in USA. She told me that her classmates recommend her come here to work. Several friends of her worked here during their summer break, and they can earn pretty much money here in the whole summer. After they got the offer of master, they left here to study. Now she is preparing the GMAT, and she will get the GMAT test this weekend. After the test, she will work here every day until begin to go to school.

The other girl comes from Thailand. She has been in USA for 6 years. She told me that she studied in HWC two years. She is studying in Northeast University now and she will graduate after two years. She is twenty-five years old now. We talked about my teacher and my classes and she told me that it is easy to get As in HWC.
After work, on my way home, I always think about my study and my career. When I came here, my aim is get MBA degree. However, Xia fan, my sister-in-law, she got MBA degree and now she just stays at home and takes care of baby. In addition, I was lazy that I didn’t review the GMAT last semester. It makes Bobby think that maybe I cannot get the MBA degree, and he always think that I shouldn’t get MBA degree because I will stay at home, just like Xia fan. It always upset me, but I cannot control myself to review GMAT.

Life is tough here, but I like it. Actually, I like my life full of toughness and challenge. It gives me hope. One of my friends said you are supposed to get married with a rich man in China. Although it seems that he is wishing that I will be happy, I am not appreciated with it. It means that he cannot understand of me at all.

From now on, I should plan a schedule about the time of review GMAT, work and go to school. My classmates in HWC all come from China, and they always speak Chinese, the next semester I should only speak English with them and I will not go out with them. I should plan my new life and earn my future.

Grow up

What is the truth of life? I always consider this question and I can get different answers in different situation. I think whatever I think. They are part of content of life. Today I heard a song names more lonely after grow up, and I read some journals of my friends. I thought about the past and felt a little tired. I am accustomed to think the things hiding in my heart when I feel life is tough. It is ridiculous that sometimes my sensation is influenced by people around me because people always say just care of yourself. Still, the system of society express that people influence each other. Therefore, I should keep strong, and that is right to do myself.

I always said that life is not a result, but it’s a process. We should enjoy the process because it occupies a majority portion. Yet, it also is a struggling process. Maybe I always express the best one to others, but who knows most of the time I taste the suffering by myself. I once have doubted, irritated, and been delight with life. I try to calm down to display that I am mature after I get some progress or success. However, when I am in a new position, I still feel confused and desperate. The only difference is that I can control myself and solve it with my experience.

There are much happiness and much unhappiness after I came to the United States. I finally can be together with my husband, who is the most important in my life and makes me believe that love is the miracle in this world. On the other hand, I am suffering vanishing of confidence and am changing to be a sensitive woman. I consider a people who are diffident always sensitive. I always feel upset when others told me that what they did, what they gained and what they will do. I feel miserable that I don’t like to share happiness with my husband’s family, which I thought I can have a warm big family before. The only thing I can sense is the distance. All of these like the song sing that more lonely after grow up. The difference is I feel lonely because I am not strong now and I need time to catch up with others. It’s like a double-edged sword. It makes me unhappy and not lovely. On the other hand, it makes me never give up improve myself.

Actually, I don’t really care about others. I have been sick of being a strong and successful people in others’ mind. I only wish that I will feel delightful from my heart every day. When I feel sad, I know the only reason is that I waste time and lose my aim. I should cheer up and be strong. I believe I can achieve my aim in several years.

Happy New Year

New Year has coming. In China tradition, it is Ox year which means it is a lucky year. It also implies that everyone can earn much money wherever they invest in this year. Yes, it’s the beginning of a new year. Everything is new and everybody feels exciting. The word new brings us unlimited wishes. I read many articles of my Chinese friends these days, and I am interest in two things. The one is the wishes of next year; the other is the plan of next year. I think why they don’t conclude of the last year before doing wishes and plans. When I read the concrete contentions, I found all of them said it a mediocre year in 2008, or they said it’s a terrible year in 2008 and I gain nothing in the last year. It’s finally past! Hum, I don’t appreciate this attitude. I think in the beginning of last year they also did wishes and plans, and it seems it’s like nonsense for them to do them again, and it makes me to predict that what they will say in the end of this year. We need to learn how to do plans, but also need to do conclusion.

Since I did so many conclusions about 2008; I wrote a Memory of 10 years in QQ. Here I only display my plans. Today my little husband told me that he has a 90 days challenge. He is fat and he desire to lose weight, but the challenge is I am learning cooking and he is greedy of food. He has given up for several times. Today he pledged seriously. Although pledges mean nothing by proving, I still try to believe him this time. Meanwhile, for accompany with him, I decide to have my own 90 days challenge. That is only speaking and reading English. God knows how hard it is and how many times I have given up it before. However, this time I will insist in it.

Except for 90 challenges, I have several plans in this year:
1. Getting a high score of GMAT (Maybe above 700, I will fix it after three months).
2. Doing exercise at least three times every week.
3. Applying a good university.
4. Learning many dishes.
5. Getting A in every class.
6. Traveling several places.
7. Finding a part-time or full time job after taking the GAMT test.
8. Enjoy life everyday and keep happy.
9. Do not waste time more than one hour every day.
10. Keep beautiful.

My husband will graduate this year. For me, it is a good thing even though it is during financial crisis. I am confidence that he will find a good job. If both of us try our best, everything will be closer to our dream. At least, our life is full of happiness.

The best wishes in New Year are my mom and brother is healthy and happy.

Happy New Year!